So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
