why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
