the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
