Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I touched a dick in church today
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
