We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
