last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
