Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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