If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you never un-have a 4some
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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