Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
