I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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