Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
