his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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