SEEEEXXX PLEASE
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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