She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
