You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
