brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
