I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
