Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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