I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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