"it" just moved
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
