i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
