Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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