Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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