I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
