Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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