Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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