i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
