As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
