Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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