1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
