Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
