Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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