I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
