I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
