then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
