My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
