So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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