You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
