K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
