I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
