He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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