$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
