Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
