Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
