you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
