I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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