Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
do herpes really smell.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There's a naked man in my car right now.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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