you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
