people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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