The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
