I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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