on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
