just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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