Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
