Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
