just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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