so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's shark week go big or go home
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
