fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
