just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
