Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
