My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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